Dear Enid: Am I A Big Baby?

Dear Enid,

It was suggested by my wonderful vet that I contact you. 

I am the guardian of a wonderful and sweet 17-year-old girl kitty named Meeps. I have had the pleasure of sharing my life with her for the past 15 years. She is one special cat.

She has really started to age over the last few years. This year we’ve battled with UTIs and kidney values not at their best, as well as controlling low thyroid and high blood pressure. Sub-q fluids were administered to help her. 

I know she won’t live forever and she isn’t the first cat I’ve nursed through old age, yet I’m really struggling with the fact that one day she will be gone. I want whatever time we have together to be pleasant as possible, and I find myself really emotional about this. Some days are a real emotional struggle for me. I don’t feel my husband or others really understand what I am going through, and I feel like they think I’m just being a big, old baby. 

I know you help folks after their pets have passed. Is there any help for people who are in my situation—those anticipating the loss of their pet?

It really is one day, one moment at a time. Any advice you could offer would be appreciated.

Thank you for your time.

Regards,
Seleena

Hi Seleena,

I loved reading the beautiful way you describe the bond you share with your Meeps kitty. The level of care you have provided for Meeps has undoubtedly added quality to her life as her body presents problems that come along with aging.

You describe worrying about when her time comes and wanting her to have the best quality of life, all the while you’re experiencing anticipatory grief. Anticipatory grief is a struggle for most folks who are deeply bonded to an aging and/or terminally ill companion animal as you are with Meeps.

Seleena, my dear, you are not being a big baby! You are experiencing normal emotions—normal feelings that can be scary and stressful and lonely. Sadly, it is not uncommon for those in our immediate support circles to not understand, withdraw or say something judgmental leaving us feeling unsupported in our time of need. I am guessing they don’t mean to be unavailable, they just don’t understand the depth and magic of the bond you share with Meeps.

I think you are wise to look for outside support as you navigate the time you have left together with Meeps. Support will help you feel less isolated in your feeling and perhaps give you a new perspective about the time you have left with her.

The DoveLewis pet loss support group is for people who have suffered the loss of a pet as well as folks, like you, who are anticipating a loss. People who are anticipating the loss of their beloved pet find great understanding and comfort from attending these groups. The groups are free, drop in and attended by folks who understand on a heartfelt level the depth of attachment you have with Meeps. I facilitate the groups and do my best to provide tools to help cope with the different feelings and concerns that come up.

I hope you will consider attending, be sure to bring a photo of Meeps to show off. Please click here to see the schedule.

Warmly, 
Enid

The “Dear Enid” blog post series is my new advice column. I invite you to write to me about your beloved pet. Include questions, concerns, fears, hopes, dreams—everything related to that magical human-animal bond you were blessed to experience. I will respond to support you as you navigate your life without your pet. I will do my best to share the wisdom I have gained as facilitator of the DoveLewis pet loss support program for the past 27 years.