Durban: A Pet Loss Story

The following pet loss story was sent to DoveLewis Pet Loss Support Director Enid Traisman from Laura Wolf Port. Please feel free to submit your own pet loss story here.

My beloved dog Durban died on December 23 and I am unbelievably devastated. Durban was a border collie basset hound mix- imagine a border collie with adorable short little legs (not a day passed when someone didn’t comment or chuckle at him!).  I rescued him 11.5 years ago from a group in Connecticut that would send a truck down to Kentucky every two weeks and load it with dogs to save them from euthanasia. I was 23 years old. Durban was with me through so many important life changes- graduate school, a move cross-country, a break up of a 7-year relationship, my marriage and birth of two children. We did everything together- countless hikes, camping, and climbing trips. He was the sweetest dog, so good-natured, optimistic and loving. I estimate he was 12 or 12 and a half, and while he did have achy knees (especially due to his breed combo), he was in relatively good shape, or so it seemed.  He was begging for food, barking at other dogs walking by, destroying his new Santa stuffed animal up until the last day. About 5 hours before we were to leave town by plane for the holidays, Durban had a massive seizure. I rushed him to Dove Lewis and in slow motion my worst fears started to materialize. I couldn’t stop the prognosis from getting worse and worse, I could only listen in shock. He had tumors in his lungs, likely metastatic from a brain tumor. The seizures slowed but kept coming over the next 12 hours. The staff told me there was a 15 minute limit for visiting in the ICU but that they made exceptions. I knew what they meant, and I didn’t want to have to be an exception, but I laid with Durban in his cage for a couple hours, until I had to return home to nurse my infant son. They told me Durban wasn’t in pain, so I gave him a little more time to see if he’d recover enough to come home, but it wasn’t in the cards. In the end, I did what I had to do for him and I let him go while telling him what a good dog he was and how much I loved him. I tried to hold it together for him, I didn’t want him to be anxious, I wanted his final moments to be peaceful. I held him and watched the life leave his eyes and then I collapsed. My heart is broken. I hope in time I will think first of the good memories but for now I’m haunted by those final minutes. And I miss him terribly. I thought we had a couple more years together, it was so sudden and shocking. I am so grateful that it didn’t happen while we were away, that I was able to be with him. We delayed our flight and arrived late to “celebrate” Christmas with my family. Now that we are back home, there are still paw prints on the kitchen floor, his collar smells like him, his bed is empty next to mine, the piece of potato I dropped at dinner is still there on the floor, I haven’t walked around the block in days, there’s no one to let out in the yard before bed, the mail gets delivered without a bark. I can’t bring myself to put his things away, although I know I don’t need to yet. Even with a husband, two young kids, and two cats, our house feels empty. I started writing in your pet remembrance journal, which I think is a really great tool (thank you). looked through photos and ordered a couple big prints of him. I think I’ll find some comfort in having him up on the wall of our house. But I miss him terribly, he was a great friend and I wasn’t prepared to have to say goodbye yet.

Dear Laura,
I am so very sorry for your loss of your special boy, Durban. I could feel the deep loving bond you shared in every word you wrote. I hope you will consider attending the pet loss support group, it is so comforting being surrounded by others who understand, on a heartfelt level the joy of loving and pain of losing a beloved pet. We meet 4 times a month, the groups are free and drop in.
Warmly,
Enid