Tuffy Sam: A Pet Loss Story

The following pet loss story was sent to DoveLewis Pet Loss Support Director Enid Traisman from Nav Sam. Please feel free to submit your own pet loss story here.

Imagine the ocean. The big blue bizarre ocean. You are seated on the golden beach facing the far horizon. Do you feel the wind blowing through your hair? The weather is picture perfect. You are experiencing profound mirth. Relaxed. Life cannot be better than that! Abruptly, you open your eyes and witness how the clear blue sky turns into all sorts of grays. Simultaneously the seemingly innocent waves begin to clash. There is thundering. There is lightening. Suddenly the world has turned upside-down. It was just a matter of time. That’s my many years of existence in brief. That is how I felt on the day he left me, forever.

 

I will walk you through a boulevard of reminiscences, just so that you get to know him. I want you to know him. It was roughly mid June 2003, that’s when I first met him. I had just turned 13. I was quite innocent and immature when my parents gifted me with a puppy. It turned out to be a surprise I did not see coming. Interestingly, we shared the same birth month. I was born on the 4th and he was born on the 14th. His paternal grandma was a Great Dane and the rest were Lion German Shepherds. My sister came up with the name Tuffy. We grew up together. I spent the majority of my time talking to him, feeding him, playing with him, bathing him and just sitting next to him. He grew up incredibly fast. After he turned nine months old, I could not even carry him. You might think that it’s because I was also a little girl, but even when I was 24, I still couldn’t even imagine lifting him up. It was just impossible. He was bigger and stronger than me.

 

Honestly, he was my mode of relaxation. It was pure joy to be next to him. I used to hold my head so that he can sniff my hair and pretend to look for tics. Without going through every fine detail, I shall get on to our final years. Tuffy’s parents passed away at such young age, 5 and 7. Hence I was worried all the time. He did not know, obviously. He turned 11. Though he had arthritis and body aches, he still would climb up the stairs to be with me in my room. Once a cousin of mine entered my room uninvited. Though it was quite cumbersome for Tuffy to even get up in a giffy, he did… just to chase him away. He was being protective. There were many moments like that. During this time, I was away from home, as I had to attend to medical school. I could only see Tuffy during weekends. Despite what I had, I always made it a point to go home. To see him. When he was there I was just simply happy. My grandma, who has never been a dog lover, always found it outlandish that I spent so much time with him. She never got it, I guess…

 

When he got sick he used to sneak into my room and wait there until I came home. He would just get up when I went, as if I gave him moral. He suddenly had the physical strength. It always amazed me how he reacted to me. It touched me immensely that I break down every day when I think of it.

 

It was the end of October, when he suddenly got sick. It was a Wednesday and naturally I was away from home. If I’d been informed, I would have just dropped everything and gone home. By the time I found out, it was noon. And I was too late. His body laid there. Stiff and still. Tears did not wake him up. What if I had come home a little earlier? Would he have died happier? I guess I’ll never know. I wish I could tell him how much I adored him. How much he meant to me. He was the replica of pure unconditional love. I was never close to my siblings. He was the brother I never had. He was the true friend I always could count on. He never walked away and was, in fact, exceptionally protective of me. He was and forever will be my most amazing, amazing living being. I can only hope that he died without pain. And that he is happy. I miss him every minute of every day. Life is not the same. It will never be.

Dear Nav,

Reading about the beautiful bond you shared with Tuffy touched me deeply. I am so very sorry for your loss of your best friend and protector. I am so sorry that you could not be with him as he transitioned from this life. Other people who similarly were not with their beloved companions have found great solace and healing in writing a goodbye letter. This would be an opportunity to write your feelings that were left unsaid. In the letter you can share your hopes that his passing was peaceful. You can also let him know that if you could have been present, you would have been. You can share your dreams of him being free of his stiff and aging body and reuniting again someday. Whatever you feel, you may share through this letter to Tuffy. Some people save the letter; others bury it or burn it along with a silent prayer. On days when you are missing your boy so very much, you may consider sitting with pen and paper and imagining a letter from Tuffy to you. What would your sweet boy want you to know?

Please be gentle with yourself as you navigate your life without Tuffy’s presence. Grief is a roller-coaster; it can be difficult, but it is a natural and necessary process in order to heal.

Warmest wishes to you on your journey.

-Enid Traisman